Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science! Cave Johnson here. You are here because we want the best, and you are it. Here at Aperture Science, we build test chambers and have people like you test them!
See that guy in the picture? That's you. What a gem you are.
Now, my assistant Greg tells me the test chamber layout might be a bit random. Sometimes panels and portals are in strange places. Don't get too concerned about that, unless you start seeing other people in there. Because that's not part of the test. If you see another man in there, feel free to shove that-... ahem.
The lab boys tell me that they also included some other potential objects into the test chambers. Something called 'repulsion gel' is among them. So long as you're not part of the control group, you should be fine.I have been informed I should have not mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: Make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
I've had the engineers figuring out how to store a man's intelligence onto a computer. And they came up with a solution. There she is. The engineers mentioned something about her watching over the tests and sometimes spewing some kind of toxic gas. If that's true, think of it as encouragement to complete the test faster.
The simple fact that you've been sitting there reading what I have to say means you have made a glorious contribution to science. As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
If you're still reading this, you have been taking a long time going through this topic and still haven't supported it. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction. I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'. THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though.