It was just your average day.
I had logged onto the project:crusade forums in anticipation. There it was. 0.9 was finally released!!
I downloaded it immediately, excitement running through my veins. I noticed that it was just an exe, however; the demos typically came in folders.
When I opened it, something seemed amiss, though; rather than the typical "SUPER SMASH BROS CRUSADE!!" cheer, it sounded something like "SUPER SMASHellBROS CRUSADE!!" I figured it was nothing significant though, and went to the vs menu.
Oh man oh man. So many new characters, such innovative new graphics! I sought out Phoenix Wright, the character I had wanted to play as most. I moved my cursor over to him, but to my surprise, when I clicked on him the cursor immediately moved over to Pikachu, similarly to what happens if you click on the empty space on melee. I tried again, to no avail. I began experimenting around with other characters; all pikachu. I decided to just accept my fate and go with pikachu. However, the "READY TO FIGHT!" logo was already up, even though I hadn't selected any CPUs.
At this point I knew something wasn't right.
I decided to delve into this enigma, and hit enter. For a split second, I thought the logo changed to the words "READY FOR PLIGHT?" which only led to more suspicion.
I picked final destination, because if something dangerous were to in fact happen, I would be prepared on a simple stage.
When I arrived on final destination, it was just how it should have been: I, pikachu, could run around any where on the stage; the music was playing; the stage was the same; it wasn't that bad. Due to a lack of things to do, I jumped off of the stage to commit suicide in hopes of progression. However, when pikachu died, an incisive shriek ran through the game. Final Destination's music stopped, and the scream continued incessantly. At this point I was utmost terrified, and tried to close the game; thankfully, it worked. However, my background, which was normally a picture of my boyfriend Luke, was pitch black.
Since my knowledge of the game's coding was limited, I decided to solicit advice from the local moderator, Jakub.
I explained my tale in great detail, and Jakub was perplexed. He said that the actual demo was in a folder like the previous ones, and that there were no such quirks. I then uploaded my version to mediafire so that he could experiment around. ERROR, my computer screamed as I clicked the button to upload. I retried several times: ERROR, ERROR, ERROR, ERROR. This was definitely unfortunate, so I decided to reboot the game, still logged into the chat.
The screen was pitch black.
"Go, Pikachu!" the words shouted in my ear. The screen then showed an extremely realistic 3-D model of a pikachu. However....his eyes were red, and static was pulsing through his cheeks. As he charged up his shock, blood sweat through his body. He was in terrible trouble. Suddenly, I noticed sparks shoot out of my computer itself! He was directly affecting my computer. I attempted to hit escape; I attempted to shut off my computer; none worked. I knew an explosion was impending, so I took out my dildo nearby and smashed it to pieces to protect myself. "YOU'RE DEAD, F&CKER!" I yelled with triumph.
...Something was behind me.
"Hey," a black pikachu stated behind me. "What the f&ck did you just f&cking say about me, you little b&tch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the f&ck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my f&cking words. You think you can get away with saying that sh&t to me over the Internet? Think again, f&cker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re f&cking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable &ss off the face of the continent, you little sh&t. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f&cking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will sh&t fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re f&cking dead, kiddo."
I died.
Level 6 CPU
